I have been thinking a lot about my heart lately. The topic came up in a study our small group was working through about marriage. But I was immediately convicted about my attitude as the mom of a toddler boy. These could be the most demanding work days I have had since 2007. I should have been thinking a lot more about my heart back then, instead of how God could get me out of my current situation. Because I don't want out of this situation - how can I when I love this little boy so much? But if I had thought a little more about it back then, I may have solved some of these heart issues before I entered into an incredibly challenging season of parenting.
How quickly I can snap if I am interrupted in my morning shower. If brother wakes up sister and she is screaming before I am dressed. If he is engaging in unusually boisterous play. How lazy I can be when it is hot outside. When I haven't slept four straight hours in who knows how long. When I have another project I wish I could be working on.
"Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." Luke 6:45
What needs to be inside, coming out? Patience, loving energy, peace. I pray daily for these to grow in my heart in ways they never have before. In ways I have never needed for them to be there before.
We sang a song I love a few weeks ago at church. It is not about the heart. In fact, the topics it brings to my mind are enough for an entirely different post. But the bridge always convicts and brings tears:
"Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity.
Hosanna in the highest."
God save us.