I always do too much. This started to become apparent in our family life about a year and a half ago. I had been working part-time to supplement our family's income. Being able to work with my previous co-workers was a blessing and prevented us from leaning into our savings, while I was able to be home with Lee most days. Sort of.
Looking back, I realize the situation was stressful on us, and not quite ideal, from the family perspective. When KW was born, I was literally scared about being with Lee all day every day. I didn't know how to entertain or keep him occupied, which led to an intense time for both of us as we got to know each other again with a new baby in the mix. Add to that the natural slacking off that happens with a newborn, and we found ourselves struggling to make things flow smoothly by the time spring rolled around. Nursing, discipline, bedtime - all have been testing grounds where we have had to step up to the plate as parents and find out who we are. Will we take the easy way out? What are our rules? What is the highest standard we can uphold?
Since KW joined us, I have learned one thing: if I did not have my sweet Lee, I would be a very lazy momma. His energy and personality keep me honest as I look at the goals we have set out for our kids, and the difficulty in staying the course. How should he behave in public? With his little sister? On play dates? How is his heart developing? I am so thankful for the past six months, in particular, as the "three's" have come on us in full force. I am thankful for the growing pains we have been experiencing; I see growth in all of us.
With all of this on my mind, I decided last week to officially become a full-time, stay-at-home mom. Not sure why this was so hard for me, except I have worked for almost fifteen years, and it feels 100% strange to say no to a flexible opportunity. But, for us, the flexing would be on the family side, and - given the stage of life we are in with our little ones - it is too much right now. God has provided the way out financially, and I need to take it.
So, sayonara to the office for now. Now, back to work!