For those of you who base your daily email devotion on me (there may be one out there), I have switched. To A Holy Experience. A very cool blog that I subscribed to receive in my email box each morning. Her writing is wonderful, and each day brings me to my knees in some area. Warning - it's not a Bible study. But that is not what I am looking for - I need to be driven to prayer, to dependence, to growth. To be inspired to think beyond the surface of my life filled with laundry, diapers, and trying to figure out what I will put on the table for dinner. To remember that I am more - a soul, a woman, a God follower.
I sit writing this as I listen to my littlest one "cry it out". Isn't this what every mother dreams of? For those of you who disagree with my decision, I only let her cry for a few minutes right now - she is still tiny, after all. And, I struggle immensely with the method myself - not in theory, but in practice - so if you must share your opinions, please be gentle. :)
Anyway, as I write and listen, I re-read a post and contemplate fear. I acknowledge the truth that I will never stop being afraid to offer myself wholly to anything or anyone without a fear of failure, rejection, disappointment. Raising children. Discipline (for myself or my children). Homeschooling. Leading. Pursuing anything that is dear to my heart. But God promises me that he will accomplish these things through me.
"For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power." 1 Corinthians 2:2-4
And, just as I was about to go and get her, she stopped. Now, she is sleeping peacefully - like a baby, you might say.